Welcome to Pre-Date Phone Calls.
What’s most important about this pre-date screening call is this: You are in the driver’s seat and you get to choose if you want to meet in-person on a coffee date. (Remember, all first dates are coffee dates. If it’s a good match, you can always meet again). The call should last not more than 15 or 20 minutes at which time you’ll know if you want to meet in person or not.
Here’s the structure for a first phone call:
- “Hi Joe, so nice to connect with you.” If you remember something about the person’s profile, bring that up (i.e., “Oh you’re also from Denver, cool! Do you still live there?” If not, “Oh, when did you leave?”) This is designed to just get related to world view about where they’re from and why they left, etc.
- The format for all of dating conversations is “share and ask” so it’s never like an interview or an interrogation!
- The call should last not more than 15 or 20 minutes. You want to see if it flows and if some key things line up to know if you want to meet in person on a coffee date.
- Share what you do for a living and then ask “Joe, what do you do for a living again?” (so it’s a reminder) and then ask “Do you like being an accountant?” or “Do you like working in a startup?” (Fill in with what they say they do). Then ask “If you weren’t doing that, what would you be doing?” This will give you a great feel for “who they are” and what they are about. And of course, be prepared to answer the question that you are asking of the person you’re speaking with.
- In your mind have a few key values questions you’d want to know that need to align if you’re going to meet.
Key areas in mind like:
Vision: Is the person marriage-minded?
Values: Does he/she want children? Or if the person is also done with having children.
Vision: Does the person value and live a life of adventure?
Values: Does he/she share my worldview religiously.
etc.
For example, since your vision is to find someone who is also marriage-minded you can share something about that. For example, “Joe, I’ve been in many relationships with the wrong people and I recently learned why that happened and my focus now is to find the right person for me who wants to a real connection and to build an amazing family in a few years.” They ask: “What about you? Why are you dating?” or “What are your goals for a relationship?” If the person answers in a way that resonates, great! If not, note that.
Another “share and ask” might go something like this: “I love the church I go to because it’s very progressive and not overly religious but very spiritual. We do projects in the community like working with at-risk kids and I’ve made many close friends.” (You see by sharing that it’s progressive and what that means to you, you’re also about to discover how he/she relates to religion and if you’re on the same page. . . and if the person leans in. Leans in means, the person might say “I go to a very religious church but I’ve been thinking that it’s too much for me and I want to find a more progressive one.”) - After 15 or 20 minutes, see how it felt. Did it flow? Do you want to meet in person? If yes, get off the phone by saying “It was so delightful speaking and I’m excited to learn more but I do have go since I have an early meeting, I have a call with my aunt or I have to finish something for work (or whatever you want to express) and then continue. .. “so I’d love to meet for coffee and learn more. How is Wed evening or Sunday morning?” or “The best days this week for me are Thursday or Friday evening. What about you?”
- As you see it’s best to be direct. If you don’t want to meet the person, you’ll just tell them “It was great chatting but it sounds like we’re probably not a love connection and I wish you all the best in finding your right person.” If they want to know why you can share that you’re not on the same page about something and just leave it at that.
- Enjoy these pre-date phone calls and share any questions you have on the Facebook page or request a Spotlight in an upcoming call.
Action Items:
1. Read and print the Pre Date Phone Calls Structure.
2. Watch this training about Conversations for First Phone Calls and Coffee Dates & Sharing Your Vision.